I was sitting up in bed thinking about how nice it would be to simply be more productive than I was in that particular moment. I was tired. I was in pain. I was exhausted and overwhelmed…but I couldn’t stop the new business ideas from flowing into my brain and running as fast they could to let me see into the future wherein they would be brought to life. I felt so physically checked out that all this brain activity was making me nauseous. This feeling was familiar. Yet it wasn’t until the next day that I was able to recall the memory that made it such a familiar experience.
In 2009 I was in a pretty horrible car accident that left me with a mild traumatic brain injury, post concussion syndrome and some pretty bad vertigo. Every time anyone attempted to speak to me, whether to help me arrange logistics with my insurance agent, attempt to purchase a new car (since the car I was driving was deemed a complete and total loss) or complete FMLA paperwork with my employer’s HR, I would literally net nauseous from cognitive overload…sometimes even vomit . Now, in the moment I was sitting in bed, I couldn’t help but be reminded that while I was able to peel myself away from my office desk and get in bed, my 3-yr old son needed me. He asked that I take one of his drawings from school and make it into a paper airplane…”that’s all”, he said in a matter of fact tone. Despite what I was feeling or recalling from that traumatic incident, he wanted a paper airplane.
Often times my pursuit of peace doesn’t entail being in a state of peace. Instead, I found myself taking a moment out of my thoughts to search for a way to push past the tears and make my son a paper airplane, with the little capacity that I had in this moment. As a recently crowned, single mother, I ask myself if I wish that I had a little more help from time to time. The answer, a resounding YES!!!!!!!!! Come help a woman out over here and bring the FREE on-demand childcare (with my head cocked to the side looking like I just found $20 bucks in an old dirty pair of jeans)! But this isn’t my reality right now.
On my pursuit of peace, I find myself finding ways to have moments of peace when life otherwise seems too much to handle. When it’s hard to breath. When being overwhelmed means a physiological response that’s seemingly no longer in my control. When giving up and simply vegging out seems so tempting….and warm…and oddly comforting.
…after snapping out of it, I wiped the tears that were flowing down my cheeks with the back of my hand – the tissue box on my nightstand was empty at this point and my eyelash appointment is a week out. In other words, I need to pull it together. I have things to do, a purpose to fulfill, and my miracle from heaven (a.k.a the Tasmanian Toddler) needs me to be his superhero and turn his work of art into his new aerodynamic distraction for maybe 45 seconds.
With my body tingling, pain rising and hands slightly shaking, I make what he believes to be a pretty awesome paper airplane. He didn’t use those words, but I know that’s what he felt. Trust me on this one.
Anyway, I ready! I throw the airplane …. aiming high to send it flying across the room…AND….it’s up…I’m feeling this magical moment…..then…..it didn’t even make it out of the bed, LOL!
Well well…there you have it.
With a nervous laugh from me, a gut busting laugh from the little guy and BOOM! The distraction I needed to have a little piece of peace in that very moment showed up!
And just like that, I’m once again inspired not to give up…at least not yet. And in the meantime, I needed to make my way out of the bed and walk slowly to the kitchen to get more water, take my prescribed pain reliever and pray that what I’m feeling in my body doesn’t turn into a visit to the ER for a Sickle Cell crisis.
I know that I can only have peace and a mindset fixed on resilience when I’m rooted and grounded in my purpose and have faith that God will carry me through this chapter in life and in business. It’s never easy – even if I don’t look like what I’m going through, thank you kindly!
All I have to say is, the hard work and focus is seeming pretty worth the grind these days.
So, till next time…